Before we say goodbye to 2023, it’s time for a moment of reflection. Specifically, let’s take a moment to talk about the trends that — in my humble opinion — just didn’t hit. So many of them were just plain terrible this year! Forget FOMO; many left me wondering, wait, how the HECK is this a thing?

Is TikTok just out of control? Has everybody forgotten what fun even is? Did we hand control of the hype cycle to Gen Z too soon? Whatever’s happening, let’s cut it out with these trends in particular.

Jeans. I know, I’m starting with a big and broad one. But what the hell are we doing out here, Vogue?! I don’t know who is officially in charge of denim trends, but I know that I currently look like a sad potato in every single “trendy” option. There’s something about the baggy butt and the little-too-wide bottom that looks very strange with just about every shoe combination, and it leaves me sad and frustrated whenever I try to throw together a current and on-trend look.

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Cottage Cheese Everything: We might have Bethenny Frankel to thank for this one, but I think we just took it too far. I am a cottage cheese gal through and through, but I stick with the basic uses, like straight outta the container or on top of a pretzel thin. But this year they had me scrambling it into my eggs and mixing it into my tuna salad and my conclusion is now simply, let’s not mess with a great thing.

Ballet Flats. Now these f*ckers are not new to the game. I remember them from the 90s. And good riddance, I said. But 2023 proved me wrong, as flats (specifically Mary Janes) have made a comeback. And I am happy for all the petite girls who throw these on and look like little dolls, but shoving my size 11 feet in a pair of these little Samantha Parkington numbers and prancing my 5’10 frame around — it’s a no for me, dawg.

The TikTok age filter. Why on earth did so many people think it was a good idea to post their age filter photos and videos, showing their projected appearance at 70 or so? I’ll tell you why: It’s because the filter made all the 20-somethings look like beautifully flawless and perfectly aged grandmothers. Honestly, they looked hot. But me? I looked like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Because what this filter did to the faces of women in their late 30s and early 40s was mean and terrifying and why the heck we were all doing that?!

Stove Top Potpourri: I’ll be honest, this one took me down a big rabbit hole and basically took over my algorithm for a solid week. I had to try it. I gathered all of the ingredients and spent an entire afternoon drying orange slices and cutting pieces of balsam branches to complete the recipe. Problem was, the end aroma was just meh. Instead of filling my house with a wonderful Christmas scent, it kind of just made the back half of the kitchen smell like burnt orange.

Desk walking pads. Now, I don’t want everyone in the health and wellness field coming for me, but these desk walking pads are crazy. All of a sudden, all these work from home professionals are now crunching numbers and engaging in big client meetings while on a brisk walk. Sometimes on an incline! Honestly, it seems reckless. And really, I know we’re a culture that promotes perpetual multitasking, but can’t we maybe just separate work and exercise? I feel like those things can exist independent of one another, even though they are really important. Don’t make me feel like I am not doing enough if I am actively performing in my job without climbing a mountain at the same time, okay?!

The Roman Empire Question. Then there was that crazy TikTok phenomenon that flooded my feed where women asked men how many times a day they think about the Roman Empire. And thousands of men said they thought about it everyday. I mean, what was that? I guess it was funny – but I still don’t really get it.

I could go on — tiny sunglasses, adult women with big ribbon bows in their hair, and GRWM videos to name a few. And it’s okay. Not every trend can hit as undeniably as the Eras tour, claw clips, or the ice cream fruit roll-up combo, I get it. And while some really missed, I still watching them all unfold. But let’s leave these in the dust, and do better next year.

Samm is an ex-lawyer and mom of four who swears a lot. Find her on Instagram @sammbdavidson.



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